"I take thee, Rebecca, as my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others as long as we both shall live."When I spoke those words in front of my friends and family, I meant every word from the heart. Yet four short years later, and we were at each other's throats. Bickering was our only form of communication. We didn't spend time together. Our home was a battlefield, and my bride was the enemy. Our marriage was in a bad place.
I remember how the yelling match ended with her storming out of the house, slamming the door and jumping in her car. I followed her to the parking lot and watched my wife's tail lights fade as she sped away. I could hear my pulse as my heart pounded with anger, My stomach knotted into a cold ball of desperation and despair. I feared that this was the end of our short four-year-old marriage. She'd never be back. The sweet girl to whom I swore forever had become my enemy.
The fight was about her going camping with her family. Not really. You don't really fight like that about camping. The fight about me feeling unimportant, unloved, and left out. The fight was about years of poor communications, selfishness, inconsiderate behavior and petty vindictiveness. The issue of camping just brought things to a head.
She did come back (my wife is stubborn, thank the Lord), but we didn't get along. Things got worse.
I honestly didn't know how bad things had gotten until after they got better. I found out later that she had gone down to her parents, crying and said she was ready to leave me. Her blessed mother had her call uncle, who had just announced his call to preach.
Uncle Jimmy sacrificially sent us to a Family Life Weekend To Remember Event. He saved our marriage. I will never forget what he did. Our marriage was teetering on the brink of divorce, and his one selfless act brought it back from destruction.
Over the weekend, we learned that everybody fights, but how you fight is important. We learned about communication. We learned about God's plan and purpose for marriage. We learned that we were not each others' enemies. We're on the same team. After the combat of the past few years, that perspective shocked me.
But most of all, we were given hope. Hope that something better could be around the bend, all we had to do is to paddle the boat. Hope that life together didn't have to be misery and pain, but love, hope, and peace.
But most of all, we were given hope. Hope that something better could be around the bend, all we had to do is to paddle the boat. Hope that life together didn't have to be misery and pain, but love, hope, and peace.
In short, it gave us hope for tomorrow, tools to change the present, and a realization that God has to be the center for the center to hold.
This wasn't the only time God saved our marriage, but I know if it wasn't for the grace of God and the help of others, we would have gone down to destruction.
This wasn't the only time God saved our marriage, but I know if it wasn't for the grace of God and the help of others, we would have gone down to destruction.
We've been married now for 21 years. I love my bride more today than the day we said I do. We get along much better and are happier than ever.
My purpose in writing this blog is to give the couple whose marriage is in trouble hope for the future, tools to change the present, and a real abiding faith in the God of Creation because marriage matters. Marriage is important. Marriage is the foundation of the family, and the family is the foundation of the church and society.
Psalms 124 If it had not been the LORD who was on our side, now may Israel say; 2 If it had not been the LORD who was on our side, when men rose up against us: 3 Then they had swallowed us up quick, when their wrath was kindled against us: 4 Then the waters had overwhelmed us, the stream had gone over our soul: 5 Then the proud waters had gone over our soul. 6 Blessed be the LORD, who hath not given us as a prey to their teeth. 7 Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers: the snare is broken, and we are escaped. 8 Our help is in the name of the LORD, who made heaven and earth.
